I've been spending what seems like a lot of time putting out family fires just lately. Some of the fires have been easy to stamp out. We discuss, we come up with a plan, we move on. But one fire in particular has been a smoldering hotspot for a long time. It began years ago when I overheard my new (at the time) sisters in law gossiping about the spouse and I, in our own home, when they were guests staying with us for a few weeks. Let me tell you, I could not wait to see the back of those two. They would sit and smoke cigarettes in our living room, into the wee hours as the spouse and I tried to sleep upstairs, flicking their ashes over our new furniture and leaving a trail of coffee spatters over our carpeting as they wound their way from the kitchen to ...wherever. Just so rude and careless. And dirty. Slobby.
And so I have finally decided that there are certain extended family members that I'm just going to have to cut out of my life. I can no longer stand the fakeness or the two-faced-ness. Don't smile to my face and then stab me in the back ... I'm getting too old for that crap.
Case in point: the spouse's sister. She is the only sister-in-law I have now. Well, I have another SIL by marriage, to a BIL we hardly ever see anymore. Does she count? Anyway, the spouse's sister has developed an alarming physical and personality likeness to his mother. I will not say anything derogatory towards my MIL because she is dead now .... just to say that she was hardly the most welcoming/stable/normal person to a young girl from a foreign country (me at the time). The spouse never let on just how dysfunctional his family was, what with their hoarding/alcoholism/in-fighting/relentless teasing, but boy did I ever find out the hard way. I ended up moving out of the MIL's house very very soon after arrival .... I just could not take any more of it. Water under the bridge now, I guess. Or is it?
The spouse's sister blames me for the fact that she never sees or talks to her brother. There is nothing stopping her OR him for that matter from picking up the phone and pressing a few buttons .... or sending an email..... or skype-ing vis-a-vis .... or gallivanting about on Facebook ..... but still it seems to be my fault that the spouse can't be bothered to contact his own sister. He just doesn't care enough to, honey! He knows what you are. Always has. You should hear the things he tells me about you as a kid and the way you treated him back then.
Oh yes, there was a time when I used to pressure the spouse into contacting his sister and I would do that by physically pressing the phone into his hand, turning off the TV and telling him to call her. I used to do that for his mother too. Please call your mother! Please call your sister! Generally, that was the only way to make sure that the spouse stayed in contact with his nutty family. Over time, I came to realize just what a bunch of dysfunctional assholes his family really is, what with the way they skip over the fact that they have driven other family members away with their teasing, the way they steal from each other, the way they lived in denial over the spouse's mother's chronic hoarding, the way they turned a total blind eye to the father's alcoholism and eventual early death as a result.
And so, over the past couple of years in particular, I have stopped caring whether the spouse talks to his family or not. Let it be his decision.
The spouse's sister is extremely passive aggressive. When she wants to hurt someone, she'll post a shitty picture of that person on Facebook. When she wants to find out some dirt or gossip on someone else, she'll e-stalk that person online and ask questions/make surreptitious phone calls until she gets the answers she's looking for. The woman is a closet case of unbridled jealousy and fakeness.
Well, she stupidly made the mistake of calling one of my adult kids to try and find out some dirt on the spouse and I, namely the way we are handling the situation with Cat. Instead of calling the spouse and asking him directly, this nosy sister (whose own life is far from perfect by the way) thought that she could gossip behind our backs to glean some dirt which she could then sling around by gossiping with other extended family members. Luckily, the kid in question shut her down. Shut her ass down. Sorry, this blog is the only avenue I have to let loose LOL
J, let me tell you something I bet you didn't know. Your creepy husband leers lasciviously at both of our daughters whenever he gets the chance. When Cat was 10 years old, she asked me to never leave her alone with him because he (in her words) grabbed her and tickled her, although she felt that he was working on doing more than just tickling. Our other daughter just knew to stay clear, never trusted or liked him. At the last family wedding we attended very recently, the spouse became concerned and slightly angry when he realized that your husband was leering at Cat again, and staring hungrily at her from behind his sunglasses. As soon as the spouse saw it happening, he nudged me and told me quietly just how disconcerted he was at your husband's unabashed display of lust at the sight of the beauty that is Cat. Your husband could barely contain himself.
Your husband is a pervert!!! I know you know what he's doing .... but hey, this is your third marriage and you are pushing 60 so I guess you imagine you're stuck with him. Yet another example of the way you choose to live in denial. Well, you can stuff it. Stay away from my family with your poison and your fakeness. You are not a nice person. You have a phony streak in you a mile wide and we see right through you. Live your life, several states away from us, and don't worry if you don't ever hear from us or see us. I no longer make it my business to shove a phone into the spouse's hand to call you, haven't for a long time, and you're beginning to realize that he never talks to you.
Guess what? The only reason he talked to you before was because of ME. Didn't know that, did you? Keep doing what you're doing and you're going to find out in no uncertain terms the real truth about a LOT of things, including your giant creep of a sexually frustrated husband. Take care of your own business. Stay out of ours.
And I am making it a point of no longer dealing with this family crap. We are supposed to support each other but that has never, ever happened. I just need you to know: Cross me and you are OUT. End.