Monday, January 6, 2014

Monday Afternoon: A Week Later

Our new building contractor started work today, finally, after us having gone to the trouble of interviewing several.  We interviewed time wasters who gave us horrendous bids for the work that needs to be done as well as a couple of men so obnoxious I would not allow them back in the house!  Of course, ALL of the plumbing work that was done by the other outfit has to be completely torn out and cut off at the foundation.  Bent pipes, crooked valves, cement in the lines ..... you name it.  Today has been spent basically jackhammering up the downstairs floor to get to the drains, which have been installed incorrectly (naturally), and prepping the work area for this job to get completed quickly.  These guys work fast and well by the looks of things.  They have been here for almost 8 hours and have done more in a day than the last outfit did in 2 weeks.  I just want this to be over.

The spouse returned to work reluctantly today.  He is done.  Wants to retire.  Will take any buy-out offer that comes down the pike, or so he says.  I can't imagine him retired.  He has always worked and worked hard.  It really will be the end of a life chapter, the day he leaves The Employer....

Cat continues to suck the life out of me, although I have had an epiphany that she is a narcissist who will never change, no matter what.  She has returned to her remote assignment but not before creating some family havoc around here.  I have told her that she has to move out.  When I approached her about paying rent, she flipped.  When I told her that our utility bills are way higher since she moved back home, she didn't want to know.  When I told her that she needed to pay her way, she responded with the usual,  "Well, no one else had to pay their way!"  Meaning that we never collected rent from the other kids when they were at home.  There is no 'winning' with Cat.  She is never wrong.  She knows it all.  She is always right.   And she has worn out the welcome mat.  I have given her until May at the latest to save up some cash and find herself her own place.  She will probably find a hapless friend to use, to be a roommate, because I have a feeling that will be the only way she'll be able to move out.  Cat cannot afford an apartment by herself, despite earning good money, because of money mismanagement.  And I am sure that, eventually, the hapless friend who becomes a roommate will rue the day he/she ever agreed to move in with Cat and will move out in a hail of verbal and physical abuse and accusations, which will be a repeat performance of the last time Cat got a roommate.

I live in hope that Cat will change her ways and begin to see the point of view of the other person but ... it never happens.  Cat gets what she wants in any way she can but, in the process, she wears people down and wears the love out.  I used to have a friend who was a lot like Cat and, in the end, I was so emotionally conflicted about being around that person that I had to cut them out.  They didn't take it so well ...... neither will Cat.  I hope it never comes to that but I'm ready.


Anonymous said...

Quest - I read your blog regularly and am inspired by the way you have so fundamentally changed your life for the better and are facing your emotional issues headon. But why on earth are you giving Cat until May to move out. Do you think she'll take it seriously when it's five months away? Six weeks is more than enough time for anyone to make alternative accommodation arrangements and five months of stress and aggravation will take you another five months to recover from.

Anonymous said...

I'm with Anonymous #1- she should have been out LONG ago! And of course she pitched a fit (she's a Drama Queen). You need to tell her this is NOT up for discussion or debate. YOU/HUBBY are TELLING her, NOT asking her! "We love you but we CANNOT and WILL NOT support you any longer!" She can be as pissed off as she wants to be, but the fact of the matter is she's an adult now. You/hubby fulfilled your parental obligations, in addition to putting her through college so that she is able to support herself! If she chooses to spend her paycheck on crap/drugs/booze, then she'll be living in a dump or incurring huge debt. It's all about priorities. She needs to grow up. She has issues, obviously, but until she's ready to deal with them, nobody can help her. You and Hubby need to focus on yourselves and your retirement plans which aren't far off. I know you have some guilt about the kind of mom you were to your kids - - but I have friends who have gone through much worse and have grow up to be responsible, dependable, independent adults.

JRE said...

I have been reading with interest and wondering, as an older semi retired female have you considered a part time job, even a almost minimum wage job, part time, at like Hallmark or the flower shop etc. etc. funneled into your savings or retirement or to pay off the house would help. Think of how much even ten to fifteen hours a week would contribute. But not only that but getting out of the house is therapeutic, good exercise, a way to meet people and surprisingly can be fun. I remember that awhile back you talked about a business or patent which may not be happening but even small steps towards a goal really can make a difference. Now that you have your car with reasonable MPG why not give it a try?

The Quest said...

@Anon1 ~ I hear you loud and clear. As you have probably surmised from my blog, I am a highly conflicted individual. I know what I need to do but I have a helluva time doing it. Cat is a perfect example. I know that I need to cut her loose but I keep hanging on to the shred of hope that there's some decency in her, some part of her that can be reached when it comes to discussions about her drug use and spending, about the manner in which she uses people and the way in which she is masterful at getting everyone around her to pay her way. Much of my frustration is rooted in seeing her self destruct in the same ways that I did, with me trying to head it off and her not listening to me. It causes rift after rift and, every time, Cat finds a way to blame me for it. She never takes personal responsibility. But you are right. She needs to be gone before May however we cannot do much about that until she returns from her remote assignment.

@Anon2 ~ Cat did move out some time ago, on our dime. She moved in with room mates and naturally the whole enterprise went very sour very quickly. Cat was accused of emotional and physical abuse and the people she roomed with (and their families) will have nothing to do with her. After bouncing around from pillar to post, I had to go rescue Cat and bring her home. Long story short, her 2 years of 'independence' were anything but. Everyone else had to carry her, pay the bills, etc while Cat went about her merry way. I cut her off financially after year one because she was buying drugs but that didn't stop Cat. She just looked for weak individuals to use. Now, we are again looking at her renting a place with a friend who really doesn't know Cat too well. I butt heads with Cat all the time, pointing out her destructive life path and so on, so she knows that she can't get much past me but I am doing my level best to make life around here unpleasant for her. I want her to move out. Soon. I want her to get back out there and screw up again so that maybe MAYBE she can begin to learn from her actions and mistakes. It is always everyone else's fault with Cat, never hers. She is impossible to live with and takes advantage at every opportunity.
We are done.

@JRE ~ I would like to get out of the house and take on a part time job for sure. There isn't much here in the way of work but I would welcome the chance. I have not given up on my product idea but I have gradually become overwhelmed again with family drama, financial worries and situations that are beyond my control. I often feel like running away (with the spouse of course) so that we can catch a break from some of the stuff that has been going on. There are situations at the moment that I have not written about on the blog but I will get to it ..... I agree with you that going to work every day is a good thing. I used to love it and made many good friends.

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