Well, I got through Xmas without killing anybody!!! Now, I just have to get through the New Year and into February 2014 and it will be plain sailing until next December ........!
I purposefully dodged all phone calls from the UK until I was ready to handle them, which wasn't until this past weekend. There was no amount of festivity that could force me to talk to my father on Xmas Day, Boxing Day or the day after that. I just could not do it this year. My sibling called me over the weekend and, really, I should've just dodged that phone call too because the discussion centered entirely on my parents' substandard living conditions. Given the vast amounts of rain and the high winds that have prevailed there over the past couple of weeks, even more damage has occurred to my parents' house. A tree blew down and damaged the brickwork and a window on the south facing side of the house, and the roof leaked far more than usual. Apparently, the carpet in the 'guest room', a horribly uncomfortable room at best, is ruined and the hall carpet isn't far behind. My parents need to move out of that high maintenance abode and into an assisted living facility but .... try telling them that.
The spouse has been ill over the past few days with blood pressure issues. I am truly worried about his health and the fact that neither one of us can seem to conquer our lax eating habits. Despite the fact that both of us should be watching our diets and losing weight, I am going to be up front and say that we have been eating pounds of chocolate, loads of salty snacks, ingesting far too much alcohol and allowing our kids to bring home restaurant leftovers, which we then devour as if zombies on The Walking Dead. When I cook dinner, I am once again back to consuming far too many calories and as for portion control ..... well, what's that?
The past couple of weeks I have really been feeling the effects of too little exercise and too much processed food. I dread to think what my arteries must look like. I feel like an absolute failure and realize that, in order for me to hit bottom, I'm going to have to experience a life or death event. A stroke. A heart attack. Lymphedema. Bowel obstruction. Gastritis. Something. It is as if, underneath it all, I really don't care. Why don't I care enough to protect my body and health? Well, I think it all stems from my old friend, Anxiety.
Cat has been causing me anxiety for the past 6 months and, honestly, I just want her to move out. She returns to her remote assignment at the end of this week and I cannot wait. She has behaved like a wild child over the Xmas break, completely unable to sit still or to stay at home and socialize with us, her family. Same old story. We are most certainly dealing with a personality disorder here. She still seems to think that my bank account is her territory, giving me a list of items that she wants me to buy for her today: a new bed, new pillows, new bedding, new clothing, new car! On top of that, she wants to go out for dinner and beers tonight at an expensive joint in town. I added up the amount of money that it would cost to keep Cat happy and it factors in the thousands of dollars. Cat has been doing this sort of thing for years, buttering me up to take her shopping, to the hair salon, nail salon, mall. I used to cater to her and spend the day parting with money, making Cat happy, but I know now that there is no keeping her happy. She is only happy in the moment and soon forgets any and everything else I, or anyone else, do for her. Once she found out this afternoon that I was not going to venture into the mall, she quickly made plans for one of her fall-backs to come over and pick her up and take her out. We probably won't see her until after midnight.
I have decided that 2014 will really be the year during which I scale back even more and spend even less than I did last year. I am setting weekly budgets and I fully intend to stay within each and every one of them. I am no longer providing for my kids, other than college expenses. Every single one of my adult children must get jobs. The gravy train pulled into the station this week and the wheels dropped off. My adult children will drive us into the poor house if we let them but I can't blame them entirely. I get the blame too.
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