I love October. I don't know precisely what it is about this month that makes me feel good but I just love it. It's a combination of things for sure: relief from the summer's heat, the change of season, the colors of the leaves on the trees that line our streets ~ red, brown, yellow, orange, green .... the sound of lawnmowers, construction work at the different homes around here, the cool mornings, the approaching holidays, even the sound of chainsaws as they cut down some of the huge trees that grow in this neighborhood LOL
One of the happiest late afternoons/early evenings of my life took place in October back in 1993. Twenty years ago. I was a young woman with 4 young kids. We had all been out having fun, it was a weekend evening, and the kids were all wore out, as my mother-in-law used to say. Every single night was bath night. My kids never went to bed without a good bath and hair wash, ever. An absolute point of fact because I myself used to only get one bath a week as a kid and I was as ripe as a rotten tomato by the time my weekly bath night used to roll round. So, nightly bath time for my own kids was a given. Still is!
I remember walking into our large family room in the home that we lived in near the beach. The kids were all freshly washed, diapered, lying around on pillows and blankets on the floor in their PJs. They were quiet, happy, relaxed. Not bugging me, not bickering with each other. They were watching 'E.T.' and they were enthralled. It was October.
Not only was I happy for the TV babysitter and the peace that I was suddenly afforded, I felt happy too that I had managed to get to this 'place' in life. I had the 4 kids I'd always wanted, a home of my own, a loving and supportive spouse, good friends, an interesting job. Although I was unknowingly experiencing the beginnings of an upsurge in chaos and inner turmoil that was going to dominate my life from 1994 onward to 2008/2009, at that moment in 1993 I was happy and proud of myself at what I had accomplished. Out of my own unstable childhood, I had managed to cultivate a happy and healthy family. I was really proud of that accomplishment. I still am. It wasn't perfect because there's no such thing as perfect but it felt good nonetheless.
No conflict, no fear, no instability, no drama, no crazy mother. The kids hadn't experienced that yet. At that time in 1993, I was only harboring the trauma of my upbringing, keeping it deep, deep inside. I hadn't reconciled it yet. I hadn't realized that my poor management of the household budget, for example, had anything to do with my emotional damage. I hadn't connected my spending and debt at that time to my mental state. I didn't allow the realization to happen until May of 2007 when my 'empire', my houses of cards, were on the verge of collapse. Then I dealt with it.
Anyway, in that brief moment of time in 1993 came one of my happiest memories: My kids watching "E.T." in peace and harmony. No worries, no stresses. Daddy was out in the back yard picking oranges and yakking with the neighbor over the fence and mommy was picking up the house and lighting the Halloween pumpkin candles. Orange glows that flickered over the sweet tired faces of my precious children. Decorated in my memory forever.
On a quest to bounce back from job and financial loss. One of my biggest dreams in life is to own my home free and clear of any and all bank loans. To no longer be a slave to the lender would be GREAT!