I went shopping in a very upscale mall with a couple of companions a few weeks ago. It had been a while since I had set foot inside a mall and so, for me, the extrasensory stimulation was a relatively uncommon experience because ... I stay out of malls. Anyway, I enjoyed myself just like old times .... flipping through the clearance racks, eyeing new fashions and fabrics, collecting garments, making my way to the register to check out, sounds/sights/smells.
I already have a closet full of the crap I'm getting rid of in small increments as it is, so what am I doing at the register?? I felt guilty and knew that I dropped into an old pattern.
Now, luckily for me, Macys was disorganized on this day and I found myself shuffling from one register to the other, with one of my companions in tow. This particular companion knows very well of my struggle to dehoard and to stop spending money on stuff I don't need and became as if annoying gnat: "Put that stuff back" ... "You don't need it" ... "Why are you buying that?" ..... "Come on, put that stuff back" ... "Let's get out of this line NOW"....
Yes, I got a bit pissed off but after a few minutes, this nagging broke through my fog and I dutifully went back around the store putting back on the racks the lovely items I had garnered. Oh, one of the dresses was so unique and to die for. I saw myself in a garden party in that dress. I will never find one like it again and that's the truth .....
Fast forward a few weeks, and I just realized that I have never even missed those clothes I almost bought. I hadn't thought about them even once until right this moment. Of course, none of the garments I was buying would actually have fit me because they were too small and I am too big, but I was buying them 'for when I lose the weight'. How many times have I done that in the past? Too many to count. I really need a kick up the tuchus. Although I must say that, along with my nagging companion, I had my own nagging soundtrack going on in the background too that said, "You promised yourself that you would NOT buy anything that didn't fit." After I acknowledged that I couldn't and shouldn't buy the clothes, my 'buying high' suddenly evaporated and I felt so dejected and bereft all of a sudden ..... but I recognized the feeling for what it was. I needed to spend to 'cheer myself up' but I knew that spending was not the answer. I had been feeling bored and was looking for a little colorful excitement and I fell into the pattern of Shopping as Entertainment.
So, back the items went. I didn't buy a thing.
Can we talk for a minute? #fightfattalk
1 hour ago