This morning, after visiting a relative, I am sitting here feeling inferior in every way and $500 poorer to boot! And I was only gone for 48 hours. My weekender was not cheap and I am sorry to say that we ate in restaurants for every meal. And the restaurants, they were not cheap. And my relative, she does not cook.
Let me start at the beginning of my weekender.
I picked up my rental car, paying $135 in total for the weekend in rental charges and gas. Hey! At least I got to drive a new car amongst all the other new cars that surrounded me over the weekend. I mean, where else could one get to park next to a Bentley at Trader Joes? At least when my dressed down, overly casual self was hidden behind the wheel and the tinted glass of my rental vehicle, I looked just like everyone else. And I was happy about that!
Each and every time I left the safe confines of my leather interior, I was a fish out of water in my sweats (oh god, did I just type that?) and 80s scrunchy, a throwback to a time when it was chic to wear workout gear and fleece to the mall. Well, honey, it ain't chic no more.
I have always had the family cavalry to back me up, but now I have no one but myself and, having spent too much time hiding behind said cavalry, I can see, now exposed, that I am indeed coming up woefully short in the self confidence, purpose and panache departments. I placed all my time and energies into raising the cavalry and they have galloped full speed ahead and left me in the dust! I bring up the rear... the Water Boy, ungainly and lacking. So, you see, even my own kids are embarrassed by my appearance.
I have to LOL here because even I can't quite believe the sorry transformation that the past 20 years has wrought upon me. I've gone from fair California chick to an old turkey and this weekend, being around the Beautiful People, has reinforced this, my inner dialogue:
"I am an embarrassment to myself, a shadow of the woman I believed myself to be and, even though I know that I have struggled quite valiantly with some of the bullshyte that life has bestowed upon me, I can see more clearly than ever that my baggage has all had quite a negative effect upon me."
Just in looking at myself in the mirror, I can see that my poor attitude shows. I don't know what has happened to me, where have I disappeared to? I don't even know who I am anymore, who I'm supposed to be, what happened to my place here? If I'm not Mama, controlling my kids' lives, who am I? When did I get so lazy?? So directionless? How much longer can I allow the after effects of other people's bad behavior to define me? When am I going to take full responsibility for some of the negative things that I did? When am I going to break out of this self imposed prison and start living again?
It doesn't have to be ALL or NOTHING. I don't need to have a closet full of designer clothing. I also don't need to have a closet full of outdated, ill fitting clothing and sweats.
No stranger but me knows ... about my health struggles, my 10 year battle with keeping cancer at bay that ultimately ended in major surgery and the fact that the Big C could return at any time. That doesn't mean that I have to stop living while I 'wait and see'.
No stranger knows ... about my legal struggles, or about the asshole who decided to stalk me and turn my life inside out and upside down. While he can never come back to assault me again because he's locked away for life, the toll on me overall has been tremendous. But when am I going to fully overcome this event and move on? It has been almost 15 years since this asshole's path crossed mine but yet I have only just begun to be able to discuss this event openly. I have kept it bottled up inside all this time. My spouse and the kids dare not bring it up. And when/if they do, it's a tippytoe into the ocean, so vast was this ripple effect.
The stress ... of raising a large family alone with only the spouse for support ... well now I know that it truly does take a village.
And of course there is more .... much more .... but I guess my point is that slowly, slowly, all of these events have chipped away at the person I strove to be and tried to be above all.
Wow!
What has brought this on? Well, yes, I had a very nice weekend. My relative lives in one of the most affluent and influential neighborhoods, not just in SoCal but in the world, and this affluence is reflected everywhere because, of course, my relative has money to spend and luxurious and glamorous shopping malls in which to spend it. Recession? What recession? If there is a recession going on in this country it sure as shyte ain't happen' here.
My relative lives in a bubble, one in which 11 year old snooty boys sport Rolexes and a sneer. The atmosphere is one of luxury, decadence, out-of-season tropical flora and more money than people know what to do with. It is fueled by materialism and a consumer culture so blatantly in-your-face that out-of-town bumpkins like me, who live in the middle of the Mojave, lose our social footing as soon as we touch down and never quite regain it until we arrive back home again to our own private and familiar 'comfortable' schlep.
I was in the middle of a technological and scientific hub over the weekend, among people who are the biggest movers and shakers in these industries. Glass steel towers, sleek concrete buildings, an enclave of polished wood, natural stone and art installations. In my sweats!! LOL Fish out of water. And I didn't like the sensation of having become so out of touch and out of style, standing out for all the wrong reasons. I felt lazy and looked lazy.
You don't know what's going on
You've been away for far too long
You can't come back and think you are still mine
You're out of touch, my baby
My poor discarded baby
I said, baby, baby, baby, you're out of time
Well, baby, baby, baby, you're out of time
I said, baby, baby, baby, you're out of time
You are all left out
Out of there without a doubt
Cause baby, baby, baby, you're out of time
You thought you were a clever girl
Giving up your social whirl
But you can't come back and be the first in line, oh no
You're obsolete my baby
My poor old-fashioned baby
I said baby, baby, baby you're out of time
Well, baby, baby, baby, you're out of time
***
Generally, I'm not a conformist but I don't like to embarrass myself and I certainly don't want to embarrass the people I am with. No one forced me ~ I didn't have to attend the champagne brunch to which I was invited, an invitation I should've turned down. My relative wanted to show me her work environment and to introduce me to coworkers. The spread was gorgeous and deserving of my own best efforts. The ladies who put it all together were charming and did a wonderful job and I felt like an ungrateful pig as I scarfed down canapes in my sweats, standing in a newly constructed billion dollar building that was so high tech, it did everything but admonish me itself about my attire. Everyone else was smartly dressed and had made the effort to match the surroundings. I did not. And for the first time in a long time, I was 100% aware of my clothing choices.
There is no good reason for me to look so overly casual to the extent that a pair of sweats are regarded in my mind as a 'good' outfit. I mean, really, we all like to look good and feel good but I was as out of place among the gorgeous leggy women and smooth smart men as I could've been and I was embarrassed and uncomfortable. I realized yet again just how far I have let myself go, while all the while I've been kidding myself that I haven't. Oh yes, you have.
I have a closet full of old fashion, none of it wearable and all of it has to go. Why am I hanging onto this crap? In hopes that the 'me' of yesteryear will return to wear it?? Well, she isn't going to return because she's gone and she has been replaced by the latest version of "Me", the embattled mama who needs to find a new direction, purpose and attitude. I am most certainly not the same person I was 15, 20 years ago. The last 20 years in particular have been hard on me in every way.
We moved to the Mojave.
We became isolated.
I garnered a stalker.
I became embroiled in the legal system.
Then I got sick.
So I acted out negatively.
Got fat.
Nurtured my addictions.
Formed ludicrous relationships with dubious people.
I am so ready to move beyond this.
***
My relative is everything that I am not but it's OK! She too has had her rough patches in life but she has chosen to rise above and boy has she risen above! She put me in the guest room that overlooks the ocean and the coastline and, while it was certainly a beautiful view to awaken to in the morning, it wasn't without its blight. A layer of smog hung over the horizon and the amount of traffic on the roads was tremendous over the weekend. Like a turd rolled in glitter, everything was bright and shiny on the surface but .... well, you get the picture. It's not just me being negative either! I would imagine that the level of stress involved in keeping up a lifestyle like this would be tremendous. I also imagine that most of the people I saw flashing plastic in the malls have substantial debt levels too ..... I mean, they can't ALL be uber successful, can they?? Well, at least they weren't wearing sweats I suppose ....
I guess, more than anything, I realized just how far removed I've become from being a part of the consumer culture and while, for me, that is a good thing, it doesn't come without its drawbacks.
I used to be the woman trawling the mall, buying tons of stuff and living with high debt levels.
I used to be the woman in the Gucci sunglasses with leather boots and long crimson fingernails.
I used to wrap the Hermes scarf casually about my shoulders .... LOL
Now, sweats and fleece are a 'resort outfit' in my mind and, while I have no intentions of ever returning to a debt fueled materialistic lifestyle, I do see the importance of taking care of myself and of feeling good about the way I look. After all, the way I feel about myself is going to affect the way I deal with everyone around me. I've sacrificed a lot for other people, namely for my kids, in making sure that they had/have everything they need, that their needs continue to be met. All the while, cliched as it sounds, I have been neglecting my own needs and those of the spouse too, especially over the past 5 years or so.
Our wardrobes SUCK. I can honestly say that we do not have ONE decent outfit, not one. I'm not intending to empty out my closet, only to fill it up again with crap, but I am going to make an effort now to put together a few really nice outfits, clothing that can carry me from a resort weekend, to a cocktail party, to an art event, to a weekend spent shopping with family in high end malls. I mean, OK, this is not the pinnacle of accomplishment but, if I am to fit in with my own family and be a part of their pursuits, I have to make changes. I don't plan to ever return to my hoarding ways but I am still alive and I do receive invitations, most of which I turn down but some of which I accept. It is possible to build a stylish wardrobe on a careful budget, n'est pas? Because I am no match for reality TV and its far reaching effects into our collective consumer psych. Shopping as entertainment. It is real.
I came to realize this past week that I am, in fact, coming back to life ..... returning to life. I know that sounds stupid but it's not as stupid as it sounds. The legal system, the dealings with a crazy person and the attention that situation generated almost killed me. It devastated my family. I became as if mute when it was all over, silenced, in shock, grief stricken, depressed and it has taken years for me to move through it. Of course, I didn't handle the situation properly, believing that stoicism and isolation were the answers to getting through it, but I was wrong about that too. I should've taken the help that was offered to me. I was too young/embarrassed/shocked to take it. Instead, I was worried about the impact on my family and believed that not talking about it, not drawing attention to the situation, believing that everyone could forget about this massive upheaval in all of our lives, was the best way to handle it. It wasn't.
One of my favorite observations comes from the movie "The Descendants" and it goes like this:
“My family seems like an archipelago. We are part of the same group, but we are still islands – separate and alone. And we’re slowly drifting apart.”
I love that so few words can sum up what seems to happen as kids grow up and move on with their own lives, leaving us ~ their parents ~ behind, to pick up where we both left off years earlier. It ain't that easy.
Perhaps that is another part of my grieving process .... not only am I grieving the loss of a childhood to violence and the loss of my 30s to a different kind of violation, but I am grieving the loss of my one true anchor. My kids always gave me something to hold on to, even as the waters around me grew ever more choppy and dangerous. I wonder though, was I the best parent I could be? I wonder. I consider the actions of my kids today and I wonder.
If Mama ain't happy, no one's happy ...
This is what I think to myself as I move through high end stores carved from polished stone wearing sweats.
I have become far removed it seems from the mainstream but I am not happy as an island any more. That mindset has served its purpose, probably for me alone I guess. I don't know that it has helped anyone else in my family. It allowed me to focus on survival at a time when my survival was critical for everyone around me, but those same people that depended upon me then for their own survival don't depend on me in the same way anymore.
***
I accompanied my companion on her quest to find an evening gown for an upcoming event and, even though she certainly never said anything to me, I felt as if I was an embarrassment to her. I looked so out of place commenting on the dresses she picked. I felt and looked shabby. And not even shabby chic!!
So, my goal this week is to empty out my closet and sell/donate/trash 80% of what is in there.
Then, I'm going to give some consideration to what my actual style is/has become.
And then, I am going to hunt for the pieces that will comprise my new wardrobe.
I'm thinking:
2 Jackets
4 Tops
2 pants
2 skirts
2 dresses
Accessories
2 pairs of shoes
2 purses
All of it mix-n-match. All of it good quality, high end, well cut, not skimped.
This past weekend clearly demonstrates the dire need for a wardrobe revamp.
It is a necessity not just for me, but also for the spouse. His wardrobe is just as bad. He has his work clothing but really he has nothing to wear that makes him feel good. He has nothing to wear that would enable him to stand on a yacht nonchalantly quaffing champers and, yes, we do know someone with a yacht LOL
I'm sure that this post must seem counter intuitive to our goals, a flip to our frugality's flop. But the reality is, we dress like poor college kids and we are NOT college kids. We dress out of place and we LOOK out of place and where's the fun in that? We have been dealt devastating blows and I, especially, have been hiding out for years now. This is not living. Is it wrong to want to feel like a small part of the herd again? I received a lot of condescending looks over the weekend and, honestly, I deserved it. I looked as though I was batting with zero self respect. And therein lies the problem.
"Hi, my name is Quest and I am overweight, I dress in shabby sweats because I don't like to draw attention to myself (haha!) and drawing attention to myself only ends up in trouble and ...and I believed up until recently that sweats make a perfectly good, smart outfit for any occasion. I've been too busy surviving to remember that looking good can actually make a person feel good too .... pardon my shallow."
I'm making a change and I'm making it for the right reasons. Please hold off on that invite to the Hamptons while I go look for some style.
I hope my relative invites me back for a weekender again .....
I promise not to base my entire 'look' around sweats ....
15 comments:
Do you really have to replace everything? Can't you build on what you have and add a few pieces. That's what I do. Perhaps you are just depressed after being in a situation out of your league. And is it a league you really want to be in, anyway?
I totally get where you are coming from with the wardrobe update. But, like I've mentioned before, be sure to check local thrift & consignment stores. Just know what size in which label if you are unable to try on. I cannot tell you how many great pieces I have picked up at thrift (I love the Chico's Travelers pieces - they are great mix-n-match pieces!) for just a few bucks per item! There is NO reason you have to go out and drop a bundle to look good. My closet is a perfect example. Ann Taylor. J.Crew. Chico's. Talbots. Coldwater Creek. And all from thrift. They go straight into the washing machine of hot water and a cap full of Tide. Nobody knows but me! (but then I have a big mouth and love to tell that my whole outfit cost me only $10!! ha ha) Oh, and I should mention, we are multi-millionaires. I do NOT have to shop this way by any means! It's a choice. You cannot become wealthy if you spend every damn dime you make! And once you start shopping like this - it's so darn fun! I absolutely love it! I/we have never been ones to try to keep up with the Joneses - I don't care WHAT they have......what they drive, how big their house is, etc. We are totally comfortable with who we are and our life (and our bank account!). My self-worth isn't measured against others, and neither should yours! And I agree with you - there are so many out there "acting" like they have the $$ - when they are sweating bullets daily on how they are going to keep up the charade and pay those bills!! What a horrible way to live! You need to live below your means if you want to come out ahead in the end. Some of those folks will never be able to retire. They'll work till they drop dead.
In my opinion, you need to slow down a bit :) I understand that after you saw a different, glamorous life, you felt "shabby". But, honestly, it's not about what you wear, it's about how you feel under those sweats. It's OK to go and buy some new clothes, and we all need it sometimes but not to make you a better person. I wouldn't get rid of your whole wardrobe, I would buy a couple of new pieces that fit you and look nice. And hey, it's all about loving yourself, there is always going to be somebody looking better than us. And it's OK! Just be yourself, you don't have to be like the other guy (or girl) to be as amazing as you are :)
It sounds like you are waking up from a long depression. Shopping can help but walking works just as well and is free.
Agree with Lena - BE YOURSELF and LOVE YOURSELF - all the rest is just "stuff" - don't get caught up in that! It's what got you in trouble in the past.
I think I am opining counter-current, but I would go ahead and do it. If you can find ways to save money, sales, thrift stores, etc., the better. But do it! Start perhaps with half your intended number of pieces, with an eye to re-evaluating again in a few months--maybe closer to your weight goal, and keep only clothing that honors who you are. If possible, try to stick with your very best colors. Some of your existing sweats, etc., could work nicely to wear around the house. No, it is not about impressing others or doing retail therapy. We do live in a physical body and in a physical world and both our bodies and our presence and interactions in this world need to be honored and respected. If you are a gardener, you know you will tend to your flowers and let them shine and show their beauty. We are flowers :) I speak as someone with a very limited wardrobe, but even recently I felt the need to let go of even more, a couple of designer bags, boots, some heels that I know are just not me, and other stuff I thought I "had to have". Still, what was left is clothing and accessories that reinforce my sense of well-being, that energize me and make me want to be alive and part of the world. When I feel this way, it is a win-win all around!
Janice, here, has perfected the art and philosophy of the small wardrobe. Her blog is a great read and great inspiration:
http://theviviennefiles.blogspot.com
As always, I try to relate. While I can sympathize, I have mixed emotions about this. I'm going through something similar, but my mindset is in a completely different space. It almost sounds more like justifying an old craving than it is an epiphany about your wardrobe or lack thereof after a sample of the life once was. Don't take my word seriously as this is just my initial impression upon reading.
That said, balance. Like the others have mentioned, you can likely dress up what you have with new pieces. I wear a nice full-zip or half-zip sweater over older shirts and it looks great so long as I never take off that sweater! I have pieces that date back over 10 years, but are still casual enough to dress up with a blazer or a sweater.
To me, there's casual (my IDGAF what I look like attire) and there's socially-casual (my I get out once in a while attire). My casual collection consists of old t-shirts and polo shirts that are tattered and stretched, old shorts and pants that I can wear to paint the house or garden. Bascially, clothes that I switch into when I'm home from work. I can run quick errands or go out to a casual lunch with friends and don't really care what I look like. My social-casual collection includes nice button ups and less worn down pants/shorts. I'll wear these out to a cook-out or beach party. I can pull it off until the evening if I had to for events like dinner parties or a day out on the boat. I tend to reserve my sweats for those days I do not plan on leaving the house.
So, if you plan scripts for your wardrobe, you might already have all the pieces you need with a few odds and ends to complete the collection.
This post really made me sad (actually quite a few of your posts do). You were so excited about getting away and taking a break from your daily grind. What should have been a relaxing weekend with walks on the beach (in your sweats!) and catching up with a cherished relative instead turned into something that made you feel terrible from the inside out. Once the emotion of the weekend dies down, try and remember that you are on a longer journey than a trip to the mall. If awesome clothes could have fixed you, you wouldn't be where you are right now. Keep your chin up, keep trying to lose weight and reward yourself with a nice piece of clothing with every 10lbs you lose. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and remember your hardworking husband's serious depression/lethargy issues and what got him there. N.
If you don't live in "Bel Air" you don't need to dress like you live in Bel Air. I agree, if you haven't bought clothes in 5 years or have changed weight, please invest in some clothes, starting with the undergarments!. Start small, maybe with what the above calls social-causual, with a transition piece (like knit dress) that can be dressed up or down. More important than how much it costs, is fit. Find things that fit well, even if it means taking to a tailor. And for however much you spend, make sure the husband gets an equal amount for clothing allowance as well.
I agree with most of the above, while its important to look good and feel good, there must be stuff in your closet that is wearable. Go through your closet and find the items that are classic, fit well, and of good quality. Look through for accessories, belts, scarfs, costume jewelry, sunglasses , purses from your "hoarder" days. Trash what doesn't fit, look good, or suit the above criteria.mthen go to thrift stores and keep your eyes open for good quality pieces you can add to what you have. You don't have to spend a fortune to look good, and be proud of your appearance and feel presentable when you are out. Good luck on your journey and keep your eye on the prize
I completely understand where you are coming from.
Now that I no longer work, I usually dress very casual and wear no makeup even though I am in my early 30's even when I go out on dates with my husband.
But if I meet up with my girlfriends, I dress to impress and make sure to carry an expensive bag. I would not want to look out of place.
@Anon1 ~ I do have some items of clothing that I want to keep and that I can build on. The problem is that I have given away so much to Goodwill that I probably could've used now but, at the time I was cleaning out my hoard, had to get it out of the house. My wardrobe currently is very dressed down and overly casual and I just want to incorporate a few dressy items. I was definitely out of my league LOL but, no, it is not a league that I want to be anyway. Been there done that and never met so many miserable, dissatisfied people in one place.
@Anon2 ~ I am totally open to thrifting. We have one particular Goodwill in town that has some really, really nice clothing .... new with tags on, designer, etc. I have nothing against that at all and will most certainly give the thrift shops a look through. Another thing I like to do is to shop the clearance racks at Target, Walmart, Ross, etc. The problem I have with that is that I am too large to fit most of the sizes but I am working on solving that problem by dropping pounds. :) I am not going to return to my old ways of spending hundreds of dollars on clothing that will never be worn. I have specific items in mind that I want to buy and, once I have those outfits pulled together, I will stop right there. I just want to acquire a few nice looking outfits so that I don't look and feel out of place, so that I can visit friends and family and not have then side-eyeing me and wondering if I'm as broke as I look LOL
@Lena ~ I do indeed need to adjust my attitude and I think that losing weight is definitely going to help me in that regard. I feel so much less than I want to feel .... I have let myself go and let myself down. Then, when I get out in company, I am forced to realize that I have been doing a slow wall slide. I will not return to my old hoarding and spending ways, promise! But I want to lose weight, lose my baggage (somewhat) and dress myself up so that I look nice and feel comfortable. I don't feel good about myself and it shows.
@ND Chic ~ I am doing LOTS of walking. Every single day, I walk/jog for over 5 miles on the treadmill and then will even hit the desert trails outside if I have someone to walk with. I usually take a day off but I exercise 6 days out of 7 usually.
@SusieQ ~ I want to love myself again because I've been punishing myself for a long time. I'm getting there .... slowly ..... slow changes work for me because over time bad habits are being replaced with good ones. I am learning to be patient with myself, which I never was before, and that is having good results.
@Luna ~ Thanks for the good advice and I agree with you. In my case, as I suspect is true of many of us, my social interactions with other people are most certainly influenced by the way I feel about myself. I felt embarrassed at the weekend and I know that my attitude showed through loud and clear because of my body language. I will not shop for entertainment ever again, nor will I hoard or buy stuff I can't afford. I just want a couple of good, nice quality outfits that make me feel and look good. I want to look put together and like I CARE. At the weekend, I really looked as though I didn't care about myself and, while that has been true for the longest time in the past, it isn't true now. I have been seeing some really nice stuff on clearance but I'm too overweight to fit into any of it and I have pledged NOT to buy any item of clothing that I can't fit into and try on before I buy. So, I am going to wait until I have lost the weight that I need to lose before buying the clothing pieces that I want to put into my closet. I have a plan for frugality and I will stick to it. Thanks for the link to http://theviviennefiles.blogspot.com .... it looks very inspiring! 10 outfits from just a few pieces of clothing? That's what I'm talking about!! :D
@jxm ~ I can see how my 'fish out of water' weekend could look as though I'm going to return to my old ways of buying clothing I don't need but I promise you it won't happen :) I have been doing what you describe ... covering up shirts and Tees that are too tight/short with a jacket over the top and that has definitely helped me to stretch my wardrobe. The thing is, I've been doing that for over 10 years now .... and I've also been wearing nothing but BLACK for years. Yes, a sign of mourning I know because that's what it was but now I'm ready to break out of my mourning garb and wear the clothes I used to wear before I truly became derailed. I will not go binge shopping .... I know what I want and I know what I'm willing to spend this time. I finally know what my 'look' is .... classic, good cut/fit/quality/tailored/non scrimpy outfits. I definitely want quality over quantity and my closet (what's left of it) is genuinely full of too casual or out dated fashion .... it is time to do a lot with a little new stuff and I know that I can accomplish that without breaking the bank or getting carried away :) Even you say that you don't leave the house in sweats LOLS and there I was at a resort ...... :D
@Anon3 ~ Yes, I too was quite surprised actually by the depth of my reaction to being around well dressed, seemingly prosperous people. My appearance made me feel ....diminished, like there was more to me than met the eye but would anyone bother to find out? I didn't have too many conversational interludes so I guess I answered my own question there! I AM on a long journey as it has been 6 years already but I am also making good progress. I am in a far different place today than I was 6 years ago when I was at rock bottom and I can see that progress all around me so I am encouraged. I feel good today. Now, I need my outside to reflect my inside. As for the spouse, I am encouraging him every day to grab some time for walks while he is at work. He doesn't get enough exercise and that has to change.
@Anon4 ~ Agreed! I will make the spouse a cohort in this closet revamp project. He deserves to look and feel good more than I can express. He has supported me and stuck by me when most other people would've run the other way and I think, just recently, the strain has gotten to him. We're in a rough patch right now and we have to make our way through it. I'm looking for good fit and quality for the pair of us, just a few outfits to make us look and feel good when we are out with affluent people. These people are a part of our lives, whether we like it or not. We have a number of family members and friends alike who are all very successful and who don't necessarily flaunt their good fortune but who do live a certain lifestyle whether the spouse and I live that same lifestyle or not. When these people invite us places, we don't always take them up on the invite but, when we do, I want to look like I belong. People say that one shouldn't care about such superficial things and I agree ~ it IS superficial but if I've paid money to have a good time, I don't want to feel as though I am humiliating or belittling or punishing myself and the people I'm with by showing up to a cocktail party in sweats!! I felt as though my poor choice in clothing reflected unfavorably upon my relative and that embarrasses me.
@Terry ~ I have sifted through my closet and I have found a few items that can be dressed up. Much of what I accumulated during my hoarding period was bagged up and taken to Goodwill en masse so much of my old closet has long gone. I just had to get it all out of the house. I am going to go thrift shopping and clearance shopping/sale shopping with coupons if possible. Our Macys has a lot of good sales. I have a budget and I know exactly what I'm looking for ..... a couple of wrap dresses and some heels would be fabulous for my 'resort' weekends and that is all I basically need, not much more than that. My eye is firmly on the 'early retirement' prize and the spouse and I have made some great strides in accomplishing that in the next few years ....
@Chubblywubbly ~ Yes, this is the point that I have now reached! I really cannot keep showing up to nice events looking like the homeless relative who lives in her car :P I have been in mourning for a long time, well over 10 years, and I have been wearing nothing but black. Time is a healer, I am happy to say, because I am ready for change and I want to look GOOD! Perhaps I am overly shallow because when I used to look good, I FELT good and my interactions with others were fruitful. When I feel out of place, other people can tell by my body language because I have not been blessed with high self confidence or self esteem anyway.
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